The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me. Lord, Your love is eternal; do not abandon the work of Your hands (Psalm 138:8, HCSB)
As we progress through the autumn ritual where farmers plow their fields to prepare for winter, I am reminded that there are seasons in our lives. These seasons provide a rhythm that paces our journey. God built that into the fabric of time; we are all bound to the clock and the tasks we must accomplish. Sometimes we're planting - developing new beginnings; other times we are harvesting and enjoying the fruit of our labor; and then there is a time to plow the field to start the process again.
Lately I have been wrestling with a sense of unfinished work in this season in my life. I am grateful for the opportunities I have been given. Yet now after more than a year has passed since I resigned as an associate pastor, I find I am unable to let go the desire to serve Christ in some way that in the pastoral office. This desire corresponds to 1 Timothy 3:1:
"This saying is trustworthy: 'If anyone aspires to be an overseer, he desires a noble work.'"
If I am honest (transparency was something I promised), I do aspire to this noble work.
I can't seem to shake the desire, but I also recognize this is not going to be something I can manufacture. I have spent hours reflecting on the past years: the mistakes I made, the challenges I faced, and the doubts I still have. I have tried to study again with some intentional force - a drive that I am retooling for ministry. Yet the only way this will blossom is if God is in it. I am willing for the Lord to do what HE will do in my life - and YES, that scares me. For those who understand all of this, I ask for prayer. I also pray that the Lord be the master farmer in my life and in those with whom I am in relationship / community - my friends and family - and most importantly my wife, whom has been a bulwark of support through all these difficult seasons.
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