The Road to Godliness with Contentment

At the risk of jinxing myself, I have taken great care not to get a speeding ticket since 1987. It’s not that I’m the safest driver on the road or that I am excessively careful about speed limits. I just learned my lesson in ’87 (like the rhyme?), and I don’t wish to pay for new roads via petty traffic citations.

I attribute any progress in this area of my life from God driving me towards a sense of contentment. This is harder in real life than it is to type it out. Like many people, I am not content by nature. In fact, as previously I confessed my sin of perfectionism, perfectionists are by definition discontented with virtually everything. This is not limited to inanimate objects—things that I own or desire to own—it’s sadly a discontentment (disappointment) with people.

When I drive around town (trying to drive close to the limit), I notice how often people desire that I speed up. Now I confess that I’m the sort that will gently tap the breaks to signal I am not in a hurry. Naturally, this does little to improve my relationship with the driver in my rear view mirror! Objects in the mirror may be closer than they appear, both in physical proximity to my rear bumper and also in a shared impatience and discontentment. I am impatient at their impatience, so I traded in my self-deluded notions of contentment for a disguised version of discontent—the variation of perfectionism I had hoped to jettison from my wretched life. The truth as I stand at the mirror of self-examination by means of biblical prodding (see James 1:22-25) is that the Spirit of God has far more work to do in me if I have the courage to act upon it.

If anyone teaches other doctrine and does not devote himself to the sound words of our Lord Jesus Christ and the teaching that is in accordance with godliness, he is conceited, understanding nothing, but having a morbid interest concerning controversies and disputes about words, from which come envy, strife, slanders, evil suspicions, constant wrangling by people of depraved mind and deprived of the truth, who consider godliness to be a means of gain. But godliness with contentment is a great means of gain. For we have brought nothing into the world, so that neither can we bring anything out. But if we have food and clothing, with these things we will be content. But those who want to be rich fall into temptation and a trap and many foolish and harmful desires, which plunge those people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all evil, by which some, because they desire it, have gone astray from the faith and have pierced themselves with many pains. 1 Timothy 6:3-6 (Lexham English Bible).

Noticing in particular verses 5-6, “…godliness to be a means of gain. But godliness with contentment is a great means of gain…” I see the danger I face whenever I contemplate church ministry as a vocation (i.e. career). Paul is telling Timothy (from the context even back to chapter 3) that Christian character is exceptionally important. Disciples of Jesus face a constant temptation to be discontented with their lot. I reflect on over five years invested in training for church ministry, both in academic training and real-life church experience as an associate pastor. I wish to be quite transparent when I say: I seldom knew contentment and godliness as a cooperative trait in my life. I was mostly discontented with things around me in the church that I felt should change. I arrogantly thought (perhaps not intentionally) that I was the one to inaugurate that change. The ugly truth is that many a minister have manipulated people (once again, the pastor himself may be blind to this ambition), and perfectionism and a lack of true contentment may be a key reason.

I believe that if any ministry awaits me (whether it be a career path or volunteer), Christ must help me put to death the sin of perfectionism. A few steps I believe to be important to this outcome:

1. Confess this regularly to Christ and others. I rest on the assurance that Christ has already paid for this sin (like all other sin) on the cross. Yet the power of confessing this is a reminder of the gospel’s power in my life (cf. Romans 1:16-17, James 5:16).
2. Learn to recognize my emotional state that might point to discontentment, despair, and disillusionment. There are triggers that I need to detect ahead of time - a type spiritual "accident avoidance" (e.g. don’t let the world of consumption and advertising frame my mindset).
3. Find contentment in the simplicity of abundant life granted in Jesus Christ. John 10:10 aptly states: “The thief comes only so that he can steal and kill and destroy; I have come so that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” If I am discontented, rest assured the thief is at work undermining the truth of the gospel in my life.

So when on the road we should look out for one another, find contentment even when traffic slows (or pushes us), and let perfectionism get off at the nearest exit.

High Maintenance Man

I’m not quite sure how to take this: I was searching for some clip art for the phrase “high maintenance,” and most of the results pictured women in a frazzled state. First, I’m married to the world’s lowest maintenance person. So these skewed Google clip art results came as a surprise. Second, I know plenty of gentlemen who have displayed their fair share of high maintenance behaviors—myself being at the top of the list. The sad truth is that I am only now realizing this fact (and I’m grateful for a wife who is quite understanding and patient): I AM HIGH MAINTENANCE. Heaven knows this is true—just not sure what took me so long to see it.

If one subscribes to Myers-Briggs personality types, as an INTJ it seems that I constantly process stimuli and ponder their implications. This unending thinking has some benefits, but it can also drain the life out of me. I find it very hard to unwind, to enjoy life, and to take things at face value. I half expect I would be diagnosed for OCD if I really cared to go to a doctor about it.

I’m sure all of this is under the umbrella of perfectionism (and yes, I would admit that is a failing of mine). In fact, probably perfectionism and high maintenance are partners in crime.

Now all of that said, perfection is a concept that has its place in biblical theology and the Christian hope:

“I asked the Lord three times about this, that it would depart from me. But he said to me, “My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So then, I will boast most gladly about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may reside in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, with insults, with troubles, with persecutions and difficulties for the sake of Christ, for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NET Bible).

Paul was making a point that weakness is not a failing for the Christian servant, but rather can be a mark of Christ’s work in progress. Notice that Paul (in a very vulnerable moment) directly asked the Lord for the removal of his weakness (the nature of which was not revealed to the reader). Paul did not whine on Facebook or sit around in a coffee bar seeking caffeine consolation from his cronies. He went to Christ and three times petitioned for a solution. Perhaps one lesson I should take is that I cannot find my answers in another person, though certainly having people in my life is essential. Paul appears to model the proper attitude for believers (in the context, the Christians in Corinth were a bit of elitist and looked down on Paul’s weakness). That attitude is a paradox: when I am weak, in Christ I am strong.

So as one who readily admits I am weak, I hope to mirror Paul’s authentic humility as a broken vessel. Truthfully, I don’t feel content with weaknesses. Thus, it seems it is my lack of contentment that is the very weakness through which Christ wishes to demonstrate his power. I do not know what that will look like exactly. Perhaps that is the very first step I need to take – to let go of knowing every step – to discover contentment by telling Jesus every morning this day will not be perfect, and I will fail. Blessed be the Lord, who through my weakness can perfectly show what my life should be: in his grip.

Forks in the Road

Not always so obvious

It is very popular to hear people speak of their "journey". It might be a spiritual journey or career path, but most of us speak about direction and making progress towards a goal in life. I find it interesting that most often those moving metaphors speak to the unpredictable nature of life. Most of us are familiar with the concept of a "fork in the road", meaning we are speaking about important decisions that lie in our path. Take one route (to the exclusion of the other), and we think we can expect one outcome; the other road (whether less traveled or not) will yield a different outcome.

How many of our decisions do we find are monumental? Perhaps only after we chose a path did we realize in the rear view mirror that was a really big decision - one that will alter our life's course forever. It sure would be nice to have it all so easily mapped out: every ramification for all our choices laid out in advance so we can intelligently chose the best course. That can be really true with how we spend our money. I look back at all the times we ate out and nothing to show for it except a few extra pounds. It's also true in how we desire to serve the Lord with our time, talents, and treasures.

Yet God does reveal the most important stuff:

“The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law." Deuteronomy 29:29 English Standard Version (ESV). 

Funny how we really don't believe this to the fullest, for too often I press the gas pedal and miss the signposts warning me that the bridge is out or there is a tight curve ahead. As I speed right on through my 40s, I pray the Lord to intervene when I lose sight of the Word on the road. May the Lord Jesus keep me from injuring others in my life by careless life driving. May God guide me and those around me to the everlasting kingdom of Jesus Christ, through whom our life's engines must be powered. Amen.

Over Analysis or Just Appropriate Critical Thinking?

Do you ever find yourself over-analyzing life? The phrase "analysis paralysis" may accurately describe how I think about life and stuff. I have this working assumption that most people don't suffer from this malady; I assume most people merrily proceed with their lives oblivious to those of us who second-guess the norm. Perhaps that is a bad assumption, but that is how I feel sometimes.

Take church life for example: I have been in church since I was a baby. Ha! I even remember the nursery I was in at the Flomich Avenue Baptist Church in Holly Hill, Florida. Since then I have moved to Church of God as a teen, joined a Presbyterian church for a year while engaged to Bethanne, was in a non-denominational church for over 6 years in Chicago, then another non-denominational church in Park Ridge, Illinois. Then in 2000 we began our life in a Baptist church in Chicago's Jefferson Park neighborhood. Now since 2011 we have been members of Harvest Bible Church in Crystal Lake. In all of these churches I have wrestled with how church is done: the doctrines, practices, structure, and preaching. Yes, even as a youngster I recall thinking and evaluating sermons I heard. I remember the pastor at Flomich always had extended altar calls, singing all 6 verses of Just As I Am.

At my stage in life, having left vocational church ministry in 2011, I find that my formal theological training and my life experience has produced an almost debilitating side-effect: I over-analyze everything. I can't turn it off! I was taught in college how to develop critical thinking skills (as if I needed anyone to teach me how to be critical!). I go over and over things in my head until I almost explode. At least I have matured enough to tone down personal criticism (at least in what I say out loud).

Truthfully, I find great value in reflective observation:

What I fear, however, is that while such a process is invaluable and I encourage people to develop critical thinking skills, it has a downside in Christian discipleship. Why? Because I feel I must test everything. I analyze everything that is said, especially in a sermon. I never take things at face value - I have to test it against what I believe Scripture affirms. It can be exhausting and discouraging to say the least.

Yes, I know that churches of many kinds operate in a belief that they hold to Scripture. Yet so many denominations hold different teachings and positions, even if they have a high view of Scripture. The reason for these differences is hermeneutics: "the study of the principles of interpretation, i.e., the consideration of the theories behind exegesis" (Voelz, James W. 1997. What Does This Mean? [Concordia Scholarship Today] [Kindle Locations 6502-6503]. Concordia Publishing House. Kindle Edition.). In other words, our working theories of how to determine what the Bible affirms are applied within a Christian congregational setting, which has direct bearing on operating systems of belief. It underscores what is taught and what is emphasized by every Bible teacher and pastor who uses Scripture as the basis for their sermons.

Now that I am not in vocational ministry I am taking time to re-examine my personal theories of biblical interpretation and how it is practiced in church settings. My prayer is that God will help me center on Christ and develop a personal discipleship regimen that conquers my analytically-challenged processing. In other words, I hope to re-affirm what is most important and yet come to terms with some developing discoveries I feel God is showing me: He is much bigger than I ever knew! Apparent differences between genuine believers may find the Bible affirms both positions in ways that will blow us all away. I guess what I am saying is: I am not content to hold to the party line of a particular denomination, because I think true Christian unity can be fostered when thoughtful reflection of our hermeneutics are pursued. Assumptions are the enemy of true unity, and authentic Christian growth.

2 Timothy 2:15 (NET)

Make every effort to present yourself before God as a proven worker who does not need to be ashamed, teaching the message of truth accurately.

Transparent Journaling

It has been far too long since I have deliberately written my thoughts and reflections. Much has transpired in my life during the recent couple of years, and I find journaling is helpful. What might be even more helpful is to share this journal for anyone to see. So this is my attempt at transparent journaling.

Obviously, I could invite criticism for what I say. I like ponder many things and see myself as something of an independent thinker. What I do not intend to do is attack individuals, whether publicly known or simply private persons with whom I have had an association. No, this is about some personal growing pains I have endured, as well as musings over theoretical and practical theology. I am currently not serving as a pastor in a church, but I am open to that possibility down the road. This time is meant to retool and rethink. Thus, my blog is being resurrected for the purpose of openly expressing my thought journey.

Vulnerability means I must trust someone else. As this picture shows, to tackle tough issues requires concentration and a bit of faith. My faith has been tested, but I think it has come out stronger.

Jared reaching up and looking foward

As I start to express some of those issues with which I have been wrestling, I invite the reader to see God's loving providence and untold faithfulness towards a most undeserving fellow. Though what I write about may at times use theological terminology and technical jargon, I will attempt to bring it back down to earth so that others may actually benefit from this.

Godspeed!